It's Christmas Eve! It's Christmas Hannah!

Today is Christmas Eve and it has been a busy time. Posting to the blog has been pushed way down on the list of things to do. As many of you know, preparing for Christmas is extra hectic (and wonderful) with a newborn. I feel like a timer is set with each feeding and I have to hurry and see what I can accomplish in the two hours before the timer buzzes and I'm sidelined. Don't get me wrong, I cherish every moment but it does mean less gets done.

We took a moment today to remember Eve. This day is special because it bears her name. The Christmas Eve was here Hannah was barely two. When we told her it was Christmas Eve, she replied, rather insistently, "No! It's Christmas Hannah!"

Christmastime is when the doctor finally confirmed my fears that something was not right. Eve was six months old and yet as I look at pictures and video of her I realize that Grace at 3 months is in many ways more developed than Eve was. We submitted the first of many blood tests days before Christmas.

There was so little her body would let her do. We still have her Christmas presents but she was hardly strong enough to play with them, let alone have a favorite. She didn't have a favorite treat, favorite song or favorite movie or any of those tokens to remember her. She just left the memory of a warm glow in a whirlwind of anguish. Sometimes I still feel that warmth close by and I cherish it.

Cherie Call has two Christmas songs I have listened to the whole year because they speak to me:

Gifts

I told Him it was broken, but it was all that I had

And He said that it was just what He wanted

And somehow I believed what He said

And it wasn't gold or frankincense like they gave Him from the start

It was just my heart; it was just my heart

Broken Hearts Like Mine

Jesus was born in a stable, so He must know how it can be

Sometimes I feel like this holiday doesn't have a place for me

But when it's all I can do just to make it through this bittersweet Christmastime

I remember Jesus was born and he lived and He died

For broken hearts like mine

I'll be singing once again, I just need a little time

I'm thankful that Jesus was born, and He lived, and He died for broken hearts like mine

Merry Christmas Eve everyone!

May the light of Christ fill your hearts tonight.